dum spiro, spero...

the title simply means -while i breath, i hope-, Latin sentence.
the sudden crave to explore classicism, way back to the history and language seems to have an intimate relationship with me swt.
cobby web blog again,yet i like it to be in this way.never once do i like to be put in the middle of the spotlight,or i shall say it can cause nervous-ness in me.
I just like to live in my own small place,sheltered, covered, secured. and not even my closest family member can come in.
being emo right now, and feel liek typing it out, this feeling is so fimiliar with the time when i was drunk (ah, that caramel chocolate taste like wine), a bit dizzy wizzy, mustbe the stupid dumb ass-ness anti itchy pill that just eaten hours ago,the after effect of it i guess.
college is starting soon and everything resume back to the normal mode.
however it is another way of viewing it after a year and half in this course.
i starting to think, to fear, to ponder.
I think about the changes in me after i enrolled in this course as i am getting more and more anti social,mind you,is an anti social communication student, contradiction detected.
I fear because my pride still hurt the oneS i care for, unintentionally, it always easy to say something out, then you regret what you have said as it hurts, deep down, i try to change but the pride seems to be in my blood, my vein, controlling it,its improving, i hope, i guess.
I ponder because my future as is a complete blank sheet, i am searching for it but right now i am totally clue-ness, not forgetting i need to take a lot of things into consideration as the reality keeps reminding me passion come first, but before that money is the ultimate answer for everything,for my family, at least.

For people i might be wasting my holidays by doing nothing,but indeed i did a lot, more to self discovery,again?
as i gradually grow up i just realised i am that kinda person who like to think about life and balance up my characters with the nature.
and most of all the saddest tragic happen in this whole life process is i give up on a lot of things, expectations, hopes, faith, truth, justice, friends, relationship.
everything i mentioned above is just something potray to u in fairy tales, get back to beauty and the beast cinderella snow white, hey, i just realised it is all imaginative figure create by people, even my cousin sisters dont believe in it.
as for friends, the thing i give up about it is the failure to make new friends, or i am intentionally avoiding the chance to meet new friends because i know it takes time to build up a a new friendship. maybe i just plainly know if you are true enough and sincere to be my friends, the friendship will blossom through times rather than keep hoping the friendship will last till the end of the life in the way you want.

or maybe sometimes you are hoping and you didnt know you are doing it and suddenly a 100kg hammer bang hard on my head and wake up from my drowsy sleep, realising i am building castle in the air again.
sigh. dum spiro, spero.
i only wont hope if i dont breathe,
but its impossible for that to happen.
ok,enough of emo-ing here, should think of something happy.

for example : my new school bag. @_@
(i like to called it 'school bag' rather than 'college bag' because it got those back to school feel!
a tiny whiny miny hope of mine : a better semester ahead!
i learn to cherish every moment in my college life, because i only got 1 and half year to go if i dont fail any subject larh, so fast! time flies *cough cough like old man remembering old time look*

Holiday Getaway, the scandalous part.

So.....the most exciting part of my holiday getaway.
the scandolous part.we are always being scandalous btw,trying to rape people especially each other wtf -_-ll
and also some of the pictures from the trip and onggie's b day celebration.
i am just plain lazy to update,holiday is sooooo boring,and it doesnt mean in a negative way.
i loveeeeeeee boring holidays!
because i can just have am empty brain forthe whole day and do whatever i wanna do in my house.
it is good because everything you do is everything what you think,and there's no time constraint and stuff.
my favourite doings in the moment: lying on the bed like dead body, cleaning my wardrobe again and again to make it spacious HAHA,cleaning the house etc etc.

due to my shopping spree i have prohibited myself from going out too much cause i cant control my spending!
i just have to spend on at least something,or even a box of plaster will makes me feel not so empty.
god,i am insane T_T
ok,ok.lets go to the holiday time a week before. (i go out from monday till friday for the whole week).
gaaaaa....money flowing out like waterfall,not water ok,is waterfall T_T

penjodoh bilangan for this food : satu wok ice sila mari.

night view of kl

my uncle's service apartment,didnt cook anything at the end ler...

yum zai have a good time staying at my uncle's apartment also,hanging in the kitchen..

the toilet of the apartment is totally...transparent.lol.we are so happy because we can peep each other when we bath swt.

poser 1

poser 2

the most scandolous part: onggie is fainted cause lcy give her the sleepy pill,and she is preparing for the 'night'

strawberry parfait from sushi zanmai!!finally i can eat it!!!!!love~

the Taman Pertanian bimbo trip,rent the wrong type of bicycle,wear the wrong type of clothing,then people thought we are bimbo what the...

splendid expression.lol

onggie ham sap.  @_@

a snapshot of lcy,she looks happy here.random and happy.or 3 8.

onggie's b day celebration at BBQ plaza, BTS. she is eating,but she act as if she is cleaning the house dot dot

actresses of the year

ah nia always look at the camera at the right time with the right expression.ish..... =p

beaniez & CM reunion. =)

holiday getaway...

People always say college life is busier.and this is the first time i have a holiday that is bu-busier than college. monday till friday i am going out.meeting up,conversations,shopping with popo,b day celebration. my lai yi said i am busier than a businesswoman with my little black book diary full of appointments.hahahaha.

tomorrow will be my holiday getaway,and i can say i am certainly looking forward to it although it is just.......so nearby swt.
my Redang is cancelled, Penang plan 2 also jeopardized, so last minute i come out with a trip to----------->Taman Pertanian Shah Alam for the four season thingy.
sorry for those i promised, i will sure go with you all for the second time =p

in a way let me be the white rat to try the place dulu lorh and tell you all the wonderful experience. (p/s: i have brought mosquitoes repellent just in case got i go there and feed them with my blood.)
hope it will be a nice wn lorh. no time to update on onggie's b day celebration cause pc lagging. just a picture before i off to pack my baggies.

onggie sakit kepala when 6 of us reunited,loudest,most disturbing table.again.it has become a norm. ^-^

oh ya.where am i staying? my uncle's service apartment.
yadah.thrilled. *a bit of sarcasm* poolside yam cha at night!!~ and the bath tub is back in the right place.the toilet is the jing dian of all.stay tune stay tune!happy hols people. =)

Stupidity

I write a lot just now.
and then i just press Alt A.
Ponder.
.
.
Delete.

Yeap, the whole thing i have written whole heartedly is gone.
I dont want to hurt those i cherish unintentionally.
That this, this is the last straw and get your ass f off my territory.
sheer stupidity.

I am now in super low tolerance level.
Dont ever provoke me unless you wanting to commit suicide in a creative way,which is to provoke me.dot.

Anyway,lets talk about the happy part.
meet my pet brother for these two days and have a good time catching up with each other life.it is weird.when two individuals from different world come together and have a chat and find similarities.but at the same time i have that feeling again.
that.
a feeling tickle from the bottom of my heart.
when words coming out of my mouth,the way i walk,how i am confident,perhaps too confident with myself,and most suprisingly,i am comfort by having casual conversation and all the self conscious just gone with the wind.wao,i must say,in my heart i am delighted, tickles my heart and telling me the changes in me is in a good direction.

anyway back to the topic, the similarities between me and my pet bro is the sarcasm that we both shared.
omfg i love it to the bits.swt.it is a kind of understanding in a certain joke and i supposed when dealing with real jokes, instead of laughing you will just put on a quick smile which can be driven away easily, but left a mark in the memories.this makes me think of Shahid's joke.cool.swift.and sarcastic.I really enjoy the companion and the conversations we have.It is random to see myself talking in such a relaxing mode too.i have been closing myself up too long.till the extend when i open up my heart all the emotions have left, life has been putting much pressure me, resisting me from believing but i guess it is not a bad thing also,it makes me think and yet.i said this verse again, "in a way",i sense there's something missing.

Something.

anti social is a sign of maturity?

I know the title seems weird,but it is something keep running on my mind  when i am having conversation with my net friend about my current anti social mode.
Started my holidays one week ago and unexpectedly i am kinda enjoying my holiday....for the first time.
human are strange i can say.
in my previous holidays, i always yearn to go back to college when i am in my holidays because i am too boring to be at home; and then college starts assignments pouring in and then i keep looking at those highligted date hoping it to come closer to me so that i can do nothing.
at lest, now i am appeciating the nothing-ness i can do in the holidays, slacking, sleeping, stalking, shopping, bla....stuff.
oh,oh.btw did anyone realise the pink-ish layout and the different fonts!!
i always change my blog setting stuff just to make it seems fresher.haha.
and why pink insted of the pure-ish white.ya,i am bored of being white, there's nothing as innocence in he reality, at least i am opting for pink, a colour with a sprinkle of bubbly-ness and happiness. =) =) =)
can everybody feel the aura of positive-ness floating in my blog *meditating pose*

sometimes i really feel like apologizing.(it seems to be my hobby to apologize)
but somwtimes i really do not know what i have to write in my blog.
the more i went through, the more i am keeping things to myself, and in a way being anti social which i not really fond of social interaction.
i feel that deep within me.that my social circle is shrinking and i dont have the intention of stepping out and meet new friends with my ever so famous friendly smile which ended up marking a sarcasm on my face.
have planned to close this blog once nd for all,but then i hold back for the reason i know somehow somewhere sometime, people will drop by and read my blog, although it seems like a deserted area and blog post that are too random with a lack of personality in it.
as i read blogs from stranger and ran to their archieves, in a way i am getting to know them in person.as for my blog, it is life-less when i only reveal a part of me instead of myself as a whole.anyway, now is my semester break and i guess i have more time to update my bloggy.
and pics la of cause. =p

the first part of my holidays.

TGIF dessert. RM3.90 for one! 

supposedly put it in my car,but i change my mind and give it to my dad as Father's Day present

HSL: Happy Father's Day Daddy!!! I bought....a sin chan for you!!!!

Dad: ...

i called this. the pathethic fried wanton.satu biji sahaja satu plate.in a way the wanton seems so lonely =( ....and ended up in some babi stomach.

Trip to Melaka makan makan again, detour to Port Dickson, meet Yao Bao Bei and she needs a haircut again sigh-ness. Can only show one  picture of the trip because my camera is filled with camwhore picture of babi(not me la of cause), so.......(hope someone wont kill me if see this ~)

His name is Eriko, Pei Hwa called him Ebiko, I called him Tamago.

my baby holiday is waiting for me woohoo!~

so much li li lai lai things to do, coming up is my next beach trip with girlfriends. =)

你听得到

 
突然听这首歌，好怀旧的感觉。

在一间店看过那可爱的木马旋转着，
喜欢他以前的歌，听起来比较有味道，
也有牵动感觉的力量。

团团转，我的快乐员

How to Release Stres During Assignment-ing..

I think i am quite proud of myself because after facing this 100% assignment course for a year, i am still surviving and successfully develop a set of release stress mechanism which seems SH and in a way useful =p

HSL version of releasing stress woohoo~

1. do housework, mop floor a bit, go vacumm a bit, siram bunga blabla.
2. I tunes playlist is set to Kenny G, Richard Clayderman, Bach, Bethoven, if got akon, lady Gaga, jay chou song sure GG oledi. cant concentrate =s
3. go to the kitchen a few times just to open the fridge for nothing -_-ll (i think it can refresh my mind a bit)
4. go to fashion show a bit, take out clothes in wardrobe and mix and match again.
5. ear waxing help me release stress also what the.
6. the crave for cooking sure come kao kao, will got the mood to cut fruits, place nice nice, bancuh milo, and then enjoy looking at the food for a while before eating.
7. snacks and fats omg
8. kacau popo, hide behind the wall and say 'hi' to her when she is watching tv. 
9. violin-ing
10. standing outside the garden and find all the big gui gui and talk to them.

erm, after typing this out,i think i am kinda insane swt.

ok, back to makan mood first, making ham egg sandwichy~

gambate people!!!

Us Against The World - Christina Miller

Us Against The World - Christina Milian

ok lorh..my i tune keep playing the same song again.
go download or get it from me =p

"I like to call it a love anthem cause I believe the lyrics speak a million words for people all over the world. I am taking a chance by putting out my first ballad it’s very exciting. I think our country specifically needs a record like this. It’s about passion, true love and sticking by someone through thick and thin. Life and love can be a battle and I would like to inspire people with love."

Christina Miller


A song that is not so juicy and sensual compare to those Flo Rida-ish, Akon-ish song.
was attracted to this song when i was driving home, a bit stunt though,feel the power in the song.
heard it in a restaurant, curiosity strucks, friend's help, and tadah~

a song that talk about love.
is it true? or just another commercialism stuff in the entertaiment industry?
i do not care much about that.
but am enlightened by the lyrics.
for once i am thinking of love again.
what it is,how can it be, and why people are always falling in love, although knowing the pain they will endure in the future.
i doubt the existence of true love,
when the world is full of mistrust, betrayal, pain, and seduction.

but listening to this song somehow it gives people the courage to believe, to trust, to have faith.
rather than having somoene like in jian dan ai (song by jay chou)
i think it is better to have a person be by your side without giving up on you till the end of world.

olala~
i am falling in love....




with this song =p

There's no answer for future.

I always wanted a happy ending... Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.

Gilda Radner (1946 - 1989)


happy ending is a lie, and we learn through pain, and survive, be strong with the support of friends.
sometimes i am so scared that i will lost contact with my loves one,my dearly beaniez cm,
and life seems so wonderful, but at the same time our road are diverging and heading towards different direction,different dreams.
its impossible to walk back to the old times, neither we wnated to do that too.
but despite the hecticness, we still can find time to be together,although sometimes flare up case might happen.
everytime when the world give up on me, dissapoint me,
i have you to stand beside me and never do i feel lonely because of distance, the less contact.

i wont deny the fear i have, the nightmares, sleepless night when i think i cant lose you in my life,
when i need you to support me, be by my side, and be a part of me.

but after all,
i know those who are really true,
will stand till the very last minute and never go away.
i know i am the trouble maker, and yet i still see hope, or wake up in time before i fall into another trap of human evil nature.
just bear with me, i am helpless too.
am i really that good in communicating?
when sometimes what i really care about cant be expreseed, and dealing it with the wrong way.


maybe we dont have enough time to spend with each other,
but i believe, and i have faith in keeping this relationship till the end of my life.
a promise.
for me.
to my family and mostly,
beaniez cm.


love,
hsl

Finally!! all the pictures and hsl-ness.

Sighness.i know i am famous for my m.i.a.
ya,i am a self confessed nerd and sometimes i find it hard to express myself through words.
my god, i know some of the people who read this sure want to slap me,cause sometimes i talk too much until people want to shut my mouth T_T
okok.
so this is a part of what happen during my m.i.a session.

finish Princess Hour. SOB. they look so sweet together. if they were ony prince and princess in this world, which is so impossible *daydreaming again*

8tv Field Trip "One in a Million", first time in live show....syok!!!

Media Prima Trip, Sue May Ban Zhang and dou dengs secondary school field trip feel swt.

FOOD FOOD.omg FOOD. this is the BEST duck i ever taste. really,come Serdang people, and i will bring you makan =p

HSL aunty hair

POB class, as usual punya productive,as in take picture and being selekeh in class

erm,due to my clumsy-ness, i hit my leg on my car (i also duno why my leg wil suddenly hit d lo), then gt this thing for a whole week. T_T

cha siew B Day~ 

the world class photographer,taking picture by lying down together with the tripod -_-ll

IDM production,i like this pic la,show my leg so nice,heels so nice~~~ *bimbo-ing*

syok sendiri meditation and relaxation at home. home made scramble egg is d best hoho

pool side party~~ certainly UNFORGETABBLE.haha.caramel bailey.i remember you forever.

papa john!!!

look at the cheese omg. pizza hut, close shop la you,sooner or later.

my small boyfriend who love me so much nowadays *shy*

like this pic a lot!!!!  first time take photo with popo and zhang wei together *so touching omg i feel like crying*


May Babies B day celebration and gathering. sam pat-ness still the same =p

i think this pic is plain funny and stupiak,i dunno what gui ling gou is doing,lying flat and waiting for people to rape him punya feel swt.

WOOT. my newest investment in fashion. =p =p =p happy tersangat!

the last pic, love from hsl <3

i think thats for the hsl-ness for now.
till next time!

Inspired.

Personally I have struggled massively with the dilemma of talent vs desire. Choosing desire may not always be the easiest thing to do. It may seem a waste to leave those natural talents behind and strike out in a new direction. But at least you’ll feel alive. 

Meri Williams, Talent vs Desire, 05-29-06

Life is cuteness..

i also duno wth is my topic about swt.
just venting again.the last minute POB clas cancellation dont make me happy.
maybe because i still mind the grde for my assignment.

bah~~~~
call me a nerd larh, call me kiasu people, call me damn *itch damn freako girl who study so much and haha get this kinda grade la.
i am really feeling down again.
and for once i get fed up and feel like running away.
never do i feel like running away is such a great solution, leaving everything behind.
but this is just not me.however, i wont stand up like before again.
the self pride is killing me.i know.this is something i get from my family.and i am adjusting it bit by bit.
change my attitude towards my work.
and do my best regardless of the result.

wao,say until like i am such a noble person huh.
well, i havent reach until that extend la.
i am a goddamn nerd that care a lot, indeed study is my first priority when i will kill everybody when they get into my way swt.
chill.chill.i am using hyperbole.
but frankly speaking, is not that i want to be a nerd and disregard all the fun in life, the problem is, i do not know how to enjoy life, as in....
my life is in my hand and i am fighting for it.
i am using rm60k for education and it is hell hard earn money, and i am not wasting it by enjoying my life la of cause.
well, in another perspective, everybody have their own life and here we know how people act and response differently towards the art of life.
at least for now,i am contentted to the current situation and sibeh-ness just come for a few seconds.ngekngek


the same old expectation.
the same old damn shit dissapointment.

sighness....all the cute-ness in my life.
however, feel happy balik when i feel that there's other thing that i am capable of besides being a nerdy zai.
and quite suprised to meet new friends from a steamboat session with lcy's frens.
or more like love rivals pulak swt.


life is so in cute-ness.
maybe when things come less expected is the best, a bliss or a disaster.you name it.


p/s: my blog lack of picture la omg...got so many things i want to show but lazy to take camera. T_T
till next time~~

Sribble

Ya, for the first time i feel like writing.again.
with my blunt english *bah.....~*
but i really beh tahan liao.like volcano gonna explode.
*cough*cough* is some thoughts ok, i am not the old HSL that flared up easily luu. =p
as time goes by,i live with more and more uncertainties.
i need to think about my assignments datelines, my substance, my grades, my future..blabla..
and the word 'substance' keep running on and on in my head.
is growing up a fear?
affirmative i can say.

I am confused with my future.
when my passion contradicts with my natural chrateristic.
i love communication,i love sociology, physchology.
i love the way knowledge is building up bit by bit like a pyramid, and i am gaining something that i never imagine of,
self satisfaction through life appreciation.

arts play an important role in my life now.
i cant live without music,it express better than verb,noun,adjective stuff.
i can just count on it and i never feel better after successfuly play a music piece.

I love to talk,i am talkative, sometimes i am even crazy.
but sometimes for now, i love spending time with myself.all alone.
it gives me the tranquility, the serenity.
and the best companion when i am alone: a book.
i dig in and i explore the world of abstract.
i know myself more.i know sometimes people scare to be alone.
paiseh larh, walk alone like no friend blabla.
but now i know, true friends live in hearts, not with physical existence.
and ya,i learn how to go with the flow.

neither am i thinking or expecting too much for things to happen in my way.
its ok if things come out the other way round, and it i weird how things come back to you when you less expected.

and last but not least,
i miss my beaniez and cm.
a lot.
for a long time, i have been living in my own world and grow up.
but how little i know it will be meaningless without you all.

dear life,
it is weird i am born as a human instead of any other things in this world.
it is a gift and a curse.
something that cheer me up,

Yesterday is history, Future is a mystery.
and today is a present.

that's why it is named as "present"

from KungFu Panda, isn't communication magnificient?

In love......dillemma.

sigh.so frustrated about assignments right now.
but the brain cant stop thinking about guys also T_T
keep floating in my head omg, both of them are too cute to be resist.
and so different at the same time.
for those who watch this Korean Drama, who you think is better le?

Shin Goon, the cool guy that alwats tease ChaiJing and make her feel bad, and then curi curi guan xin her at the back

or.......

Yul Goon, omg this is the first guy with dye hair that i soooo likey.really yang guang feel @_@...his smile melts people and the care he gives....

so who should i choose le
ok,stop daydreaming la omg!!!!!
i should be dreaming of Barack Obama and his economic stimulus package.
and my "beloved" miss Yoges.
(seems so cam oledi,all my daydream become bubbles)

hmmm,i wonder there's really such guy in this world.
and everytime i stress i watch this drama my brain will go TOOT again.
singing the song,swinging the chair like sor poh T_T



now in episode 7......shin goon went to ChaiJing house and laughing my ass off, so sweet and gan cheong looking at them,and how love comes in quietly between them. not forgeting all Chai Jing super clumsy act omg.waiting for this scene above le @_@ .......

stupid Goong.make me got this kinda drama love sick-ness again.

concentrate.concentrate -meditation pose-(while watching Goong T_T )

*slapping self*